Do I really believe it? I often ask myself this question when I come across certain Scripture. I’m not doubting the inerrancy of scripture, but asking if I believe it to the point of living it out.
I would like to believe that every verse I come across I really believe and live in a way that demonstrates that I do. But the truth is, when life doesn’t go as planned, it often makes me ask if I really believe them.
For months God was teaching me about the verse in James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above." This is one we all know. It’s easy to believe on a good day and if our idea of “good” matches with God’s, but it becomes harder when those things don’t align.
This theme came up time and time again last year, to the point where I wrote this:
I really wholeheartedly believe EVERYTHING IS A GIFT. I haven't adopted this now that "everything in my life is good" or because I finally got pregnant. It's something that has become more and more evident over time. That we have come into this world with nothing, that we don't "deserve" anything. You see I've walked a lot of days on this earth angry or sad because something didn't go the way I thought it should . . . in timing, in outcome, etc. The problem is that I have spent a lot of those days feeling like I "deserve" something, but the truth is I don't deserve anything. I entered this world because God allowed me to; he owes me nothing. In fact, really I deserve damnation, but instead he blesses me, with life, breath, Tim, First Glance, etc. More and more I realize how good these gifts are, and I realize they really are GIFTS. If for some reason some of these things are taken from me, I have no doubt I will mourn the loss of them. I also know that it was a gift in the first place. I work hard to keep my hands open to understand that God really is in control.
Exactly 3 months after writing these words, I would walk into a prenatal appointment and find out that our son no longer had a heartbeat. After several years of infertility, our first and only pregnancy would end with the death of Enoch. Did I still believe what I wrote? Did I still believe James 1:17? Yes. I did. And I do.
As much as my heart breaks with such deep pain and sadness. I also understand that being pregnant with Enoch, getting to meet him, holding him through the night, the anticipation of his arrival . . . ALL of it was a gift! Those were good things.
Jesus said in John 16:33, "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." The promise out of Jesus’ mouth isn’t that life is going to be easy. He’s actually guaranteeing that life is going to be hard. That’s the promise. But there is hope! In the end God wins, "Take heart I have overcome the world!"
This is one journey of asking if I really believe this scripture. I have many more. Are there scriptures you ask yourself, “Do I really believe it?”
Noelle Beck is the Executive Director at First Glance, a nonprofit for at-risk teenagers she founded 15 years ago. Her adventures take place in the Kenmore community where she resides with her amazing husband of 15 years, along with any other housemates she picks up along the way. She is the mother of Enoch. Life goals include biking across America, wearing Converse until she is 80, and taking over Akron with the truth and love of Jesus.
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